Frankie got out and ran around the car. He opened the door for Patty and made a little bow as she slid into the front seat.
"Thank you," she said, "It's nice to be treated like a lady."
"You're welcome," Frankie said as he turned on the engine. "Where would you like to go?" Frankie pointed to the little box on the dashboard, "I've programmed into the GPS the locations of five of the best restaurants around. The choice is yours."
"Is that new?" she asked, pointing to the Global Positioning System.
"I just got it. It's the top of the line. I just plugged in your address and it got me here using the most direct route."
Frankie pressed the buttons on the screen and a list of restaurants appeared. "Take your pick," he said.
Patty looked at the list and pressed her finger on the third choice, Antonio's Trattoria, and the GPS announced "Calculating," in a firm female voice. A second later it said, "Please follow the calculated route."
The first sign of trouble was when the instructions from GPS tried to send them down the wrong way on a one way street. Frankie pressed the "Detour" button and the GPS had them continue a little further and then turn left on a dirt road.
"This can't be right," Patty said, "I've been to Antonio's before and it's on the other side of town."
The dirt road ended at a barn and Frankie turned the car around. As he reached for the GPS, it announced "Recalculating" in a tone of voice that indicated that the situation was under control.

The GPS brought them back to the one way street.
"Maybe we should try another restaurant."
"But Antonio's is so good. I love their eggplant."
Frankie pressed the cancel button and selected the first restaurant on the list: Bill's Steaks, which was the restaurant he really wanted in the first place.
Within minutes they were bouncing along railroad tracks. He was about to back up when he saw a light ahead.
"Stop," yelled Patty, "There's a train coming."
Frankie managed to get the car off the tracks onto the siding just before the train, horn blaring, narrowly missed them.
"Recalculating!" the GPS voice announced.
"Get us out of here, now!" screamed Patty.
Within minutes Frankie was backing out of someone's driveway. The lights had come on in the house when he had followed the GPS woman's orders to "Turn Right in 50 feet." There was a man on the front porch with a shotgun aimed at them as they sped off.
"Recalculating!!!"
"Take me home, now." Patty yelled. Frankie decided that the evening was not going as well as he had planned. He wondered where the manual was for the GPS unit. Perhaps he had set it up wrong.
"OK, OK," Frankie said, "I'm totally turned around and I've never been in this part of town. Can you type your address into the unit? I got to your house before without a problem. It should be OK this time."
Patty typed, using hunt and peck on the tiny touch screen keypad. When she was done she pressed the finished button.
"Calculating," the GPS said, "Please make a U turn at the first safe location."
Frankie turned the car around.
"Recalculating," the voice said. As the evening went on the bossy GPS voice annoyed Frankie more and more.
"Please make a U turn at the first safe location."
"I can't take this anymore," Patty typed furiously at the little GPS screen.
"Stop the car, now. I've had enough!"
Frankie pulled up to a gas station. "Recalculating," the GPS voice said. Patty got out and slammed the door. Frankie rolled down the window. "Come on Patty, I'll take you home."
"I'm taking a taxi. You can take your stupid GPS and follow it around all night for all I care. I never want to see you again!"
Frankie rolled the window back up and continued down the road. He saw Patty in the rear view mirror. She was talking on her cell. The authoritative female voice of the GPS ordered. "Turn left in 50 feet.
Frankie hadn't noticed the last thing that Patty had typed into the GPS unit, and turned without thinking. As he made the turn, he noticed that the air conditioning wasn't working. It was getting uncomfortably warm. It was dark and the headlights did not seem to cast any light. Up ahead he thought he saw the red glow of fire and he could smell the rotten egg smell of sulfur.
Too late Frankie saw the destination on the GPS.
Patty had type the words "GO TO HELL".
There was a horrible creature up ahead with bat wings and long fangs. It was waving him on and pointing to the left.
"Arriving at Hell, on left," the GPS announced in a smug voice.